How Dare You?! 成何体统 (Cheng He Ti Tong)
By 七英俊 Qi Ying Jun
Translation by Spider
Like a nightmare turned into reality, the withered mad king faced his beloved assassin.
The scene from their first meeting replayed. He frowned, silent and bewildered.
After a moment, he opened his mouth, his voice hoarse from his recent ordeal. “… Wanyin?”
Yu Wanyin tilted the bottle, and the powder inside sprinkled gently onto his wound.
Bright red blood began to flow, staining the bedding with patches of crimson.
Xiahou Dan’s muscles tensed, but his expression remained unchanged. Compared to the turmoil in his mind, the pain was blurry, almost nonexistent.
He asked again, as if searching for someone, “Wanyin?”
Yu Wanyin smiled faintly. “How are you?” She asked in English.
“…”
Xiahou Dan slowly began to smile, too. “I’m fine, and you?” He replied.
The palace attendants hung their heads low, not daring to show any doubt.
Yu Wanyin poured out half of the bottle, but her strength failed her, and she slumped down, lying beside Xiahou Dan. Xiao Tiancai quickly took the bottle from her hand.
Yu Wanyin wanted to signal him to observe the effects and adjust the dosage as necessary, but when she tried to speak, only a faint breath escaped her lips.
Xiao Tiancai, tears in his eyes, said, “Your Majesty, rest assured.”
Yu Wanyin nodded weakly, struggling to hold Xiahou Dan’s hand.
In the distance, a palace guard rushed in panic. “Your Majesty! The mute woman bit into the wax pill hidden in her mouth and took her own life…”
Yu Wanyin reacted calmly. When she just talked to the mute girl, she guessed that the ending would probably be one for one. It’s just that there is no turning back when the bow is drawn, so it’s good to be able to save one.
She ignored the palace guard, turning her attention back to the person beside her, trying to firmly remember his features.
Xiahou Dan’s vision and thoughts were blurred. He couldn’t make out what she had done, thinking that he was now seeing a glimmer of light before fading away, he seized the moment to instruct her, “Take care.”
Yu Wanyin weakly smiled. “Mm.”
“One last kiss?”
“Alright…”
Darkness descended.
The wind blew incessantly, bringing the first hint of early spring.
One year later.
The dungeon.
The dark cell remained cramped and damp, with only a faint glimmer of light seeping through the cracks in the iron bars, casting distorted shadows on the wall.
Xiahou Bo leaned against the wall, eyes closed, trying to regain his strength. Sitting was the only option. His cracked and bleeding lips moved slightly, murmuring something. If someone were to listen closely nearby, they would hear him counting incessantly.
There was no day or night, no sound except for the occasional silent guard who brought watery food. Xiahou Bo could only estimate the passage of time through counting, preventing himself from sinking into the abyss of nothingness and losing his last bit of sanity.
But today was destined to be a special day.
Footsteps approached the iron bars, and someone set down food, but this time, they didn’t leave immediately.
A few seconds later, the year-long silence was suddenly broken. “Your Highness.”
Xiahou Bo paused for a few seconds before slowly turning his head.
The visitor choked up before calling out again. This time, Xiahou Bo recognized the voice. It was an old subordinate.
“… How did you get in?” Xiahou Bo asked.
“I was incompetent. I should die!” The old subordinate didn’t say another word but first bowed his head. “The guards here were impenetrable. I waited for a whole year until chaos broke out outside and people’s hearts were shaken. Finally, I managed to sneak in to see Your Highness. They only allow me to speak for a moment, and they’ll come to drive me away…”
Xiahou Bo only caught the key words, “Chaos outside?”
“Yes. Before the chaos in the capital last year, Your Highness left instructions. I remembered them well. Later, after several twists and turns, I managed to win over the Crown Prince and plotted to lure Empress Yu to assassinate the Emperor.”
“Did it succeed?”
“There were some complications. Although Xiahou Dan died, Empress Yu escaped with her life. She then imitated Lu Wu* and seized power! But the heavens have eyes. How could a mere woman govern the country? When the drought hit last year, the whole country fell into chaos.”
*吕武 Lü Wu, a general and poet of the Ming Dynasty. I think? I think he means Lü Bu 呂布 who is a character from the Three Kingdoms and is basically the villain of the story and is an insanely smart strategist.
At the mention of “drought,” Xiahou Bo’s eyelids twitched, vaguely recalling a dream from the past.
The old subordinate continued, “There’s been no harvest in the fields, countless starving to death. They say it’s because of the Empress seizing power, provoking the wrath of the heavens. Now uprisings and rebellions are breaking out everywhere, and Empress Yu’s good days are coming to an end.”
Tears streamed down his face. “I’m contacting Your Highness’s former associates, planning to fan the flames. Once Empress Yu is overthrown, I’ll seize the opportunity to rescue Your Highness.”
Footsteps approached. The guards came to drive the visitor away.
Lowering his voice, the old subordinate hastily added, “Please take care, Your Highness. Endure for another year or so, and it will be the day you rise again…”
He left.
The dungeon returned to its deathly silence, not even the faint counting could be heard again.
After some time passed, a muffled laughter echoed out.
No one entered to reprimand the prisoner, who laughed incessantly, gradually descending into manic laughter.
In places unseen by him, the guards listened with impassive expressions, their eyes showing a shared sense of mockery.
Outside the capital city.
The spring breeze was gentle, and all living things were thriving. The usually empty outskirts were bustling today with carriages and people dressed in their finest enjoying the warm sunlight, kicking up a trail of fragrant dust as they moved about.
It was Qingming Festival*, a time for tomb-sweeping and enjoying the outdoors. People paid respects at graves, then sat down to share offerings of food and wine, chatting happily as they remembered their departed loved ones.
*Qingming is a day where families will go and clean their ancestor’s grave sites together. They will pray, make offerings and just spend the day together.
The world of chaos in Prince Duan’s ears was a calm and peaceful place at this time.
Near the outskirts, a few grand new graves stood almost deserted. A group of guards kept casual passersby at bay, with only a few unassuming carriages parked nearby.
Er Lan cleared the tomb of Cen Jintian, lighting incense and burning joss paper.
Someone handed her a bunch of freshly picked flowers.
“Place them together with the offerings.” Yu Wanyin said.
Er Lan accepted them unexpectedly, seeing a bundle of green grains in the bouquet, and couldn’t help but smile. “Your Majesty is thoughtful.”
Cen Jintian had endured until his illness and death last autumn.
As the drought arrived as predicted, fields across the country had already been planted with large areas of millet and other drought-resistant crops according to his instructions. Coupled with secret grain reserves stocked a year in advance, Xia was well-prepared, and the famine depicted in the original story did not occur. At the autumn harvest, Cen Jintian passed away contentedly amidst the crowd’s embrace.
Er Lan gently placed the bouquet among the offerings, her expression calm. “Cen-xiong, the situation in the Yan Kingdom has been stabilised. Tur has become the King of Yan and sent a letter of alliance. It’s a time of peace and prosperity now. In this place, every year will bring bountiful harvests.”
Not far away, on Wang Zhao’s tombstone, his true name was finally engraved. After Li Yunxi and Yang Duojie completed their mourning rites, they pulled several young colleagues together to drink and boasted about their friendship with Minister Wang, pretending to be very familiar with him.
Now both of them held high positions. One finally used the results of the initial household audit in the Ministry of Revenue and was busy returning land to the people; the other presided over the Ministry of Personnel and selected talents. The young officials listened with admiration, hanging on to every word, eager to jot down notes on the spot.
The east wind carries news; every year sweeps the fallen rouge and snow, regardless of the rise and fall of the world.
Half of the six scholars they met on the painted boat are now deceased.
The remaining half have lived into the glorious picture scroll depicted at that time.
A petal was picked up by the gentle breeze, falling into Er Lan’s hair.
Yu Wanyin lowered her hand to pluck it for her and whispered softly in her ear, “Li Yunxi has been stealing glances at you several times today. He was asking me about you a few days ago.”
Er Lan chuckled, “Madam, do you have any intention of matchmaking?”
“Not really.” Yu Wanyin pulled her up, motioning for her to walk with her for a while.
They walked side by side into the shade of flowers, away from the sight of others. Yu Wanyin said, “This matter hinges on mutual affection. If you’re not interested, I’ll handle it for you.”
Er Lan was a bit absent-minded. “He has talked to me privately before. He said he knew he couldn’t compare to Cen-xiong, but now that Cen-xiong has passed away, there’s only him among all the courtiers who understands me. If I retreat from public life, it’s better to marry him. In the future, as husband and wife, we can share our hearts, and I won’t feel like I’ve wasted my aspirations.”
There are no secrets in the world. After working together for a long time, some people gradually began to suspect Er Lan’s gender from the subtle clues. Recently, these rumours have intensified and reached Yu Wanyin’s ears.
It was precisely because Li Yunxi heard about this that he talked to Er Lan, blushing like Guan Gong throughout, not daring to look at her.
Yu Wanyin asked, “But did you… refuse him?”
Er Lan fell silent for a moment, sighing.
She slowed her pace. “Now that the imperial examinations are reopened and talents are emerging in the court, Er Lan can retire after accomplishing her goals. But…” She looked at Yu Wanyin and spoke slowly, “But I’m a bit worried about leaving you alone.”
Yu Wanyin’s heart warmed.
Er Lan raised her hand to tidy her cloud-like hair. “… After all, governing together with the Emperor will always attract gossip. Your Majesty’s influence is strong now, and no one dares to challenge it head-on. But in the future, with so many affairs to manage, if a mistake is made…”
“It’s okay to make mistakes,” someone nearby interjected.
Xiahou Dan approached them slowly, leaving the palace servants and attendants far behind. He had removed his heavy crown, his long hair half tied and his elegant demeanour, as if a young nobleman had wandered into this place by chance, harmless and refined.
Yet his words continued, “Civil and martial virtues belong to Your Majesty. If there are minor mistakes, it’s my fault. Your Majesty listens to advice from loyal ministers; if there are treacherous men taking advantage, my madness may relapse unexpectedly, and someone might end up killed on the spot.”
Er Lan was at a loss for words.
She hurriedly paid her respects.
Yu Wanyin stepped forward, “Have you finished sweeping Uncle Bei’s grave?”
“Yes, I’ve come to take you back to the palace.” Xiahou Dan took her hand, scratching her palm with his fingertips, a smile hidden in his eyes.
Explaining the endless sorrow of the spring breeze.
“Wait a moment, I haven’t finished talking here.” Yu Wanyin pinched his finger, “You go back to the carriage and shelter from the wind.”
Xiahou Dan refused, “I’ll listen from the side.”
“Don’t be silly, go quickly…”
Er Lan pretended not to notice.
Finally, Yu Wanyin pushed Xiahou Dan away, turning to Er Lan. “Honestly, I don’t want to let you go either. Li Yunxi and Yang Duojie are thriving right now. Are you really willing to lose to them?”
Er Lan looked up in surprise. “But now everyone knows I am a woman.”
“Coincidentally, I need someone to help establish women’s academies across the country.” Yu Wanyin held her shoulder. “Li Yunxi made a mistake in saying that; there’s more than just one person who knows about you. With your talents and ambitions, why pretend to be someone else?”
After a while, Er Lan returned with a dazed look on her face. The young courtiers were still picnicking in place, surprised to see her return alone. “Where is Her Majesty?” Li Yunxi noticed her discomfort, stole a glance, then sullenly lowered his head to fiddle with his wine cup.
Er Lan replied, “The Emperor took her away halfway.”
Yang Duo couldn’t help but stifle a laugh, “Truly inseparable even for a moment.”
“…” Li Yunxi tilted his head back and finished his drink in one gulp, muttering, “Cheers!”
In the carriage.
Xiahou Dan asked, “Did she agree?”
“She said she’d think about it. But she will.” Yu Wanyin nodded.
Xiahou Dan chuckled softly, then coughed, “Her Majesty is wise.”
“Did you catch a cold?”
Xiahou Dan paused, “No.”
Yu Wanyin frowned at him.
Xiahou Dan’s smile slowly faded, nervously taking her hand, “The cemetery was chilly this morning… I’ll drink ginger soup when we get back.”
On the warm spring day, his fingers were still cold. Yu Wanyin sighed softly, turned her head to lift a corner of the curtain, gazing at the quiet greenery along the road.
“It’s such a beautiful spring day, no need to frown,” Xiahou Dan whispered softly, “This year has been better, hasn’t it? I’ll be with you for many more years.”
Yu Wanyin smiled as he understood her thoughts.
One year ago.
Yu Wanyin rushed to the back hall and the secret guards were ordered to capture the mute girl. Unexpectedly, she remained calm, sitting quietly and waiting.
After a while, she suddenly collapsed, bleeding from seven orifices.
The secret guards were shocked. Opening her mouth, they found a wax pill already bitten.
The mute girl was already on her last breath. The secret guards hurriedly demanded the antidote for the Empress, but she smiled and said, “There’s no antidote… Just sleep, and you’ll be fine.”
In the bewildered eyes of the secret guards, she quietly passed away.
Yu Wanyin woke up the next day, feeling much better.
Later, Xiao Tiancai carefully examined the poison powder in the porcelain bottle. Some of the herbs did indeed come from the palace gardens, but others couldn’t be identified. It wasn’t until they thoroughly searched the storerooms and detected a batch of strange-smelling gift boxes that they discovered the wood used in those gift boxes came from various poisonous trees.
That batch happened to be the gift from the Crown Prince to Yu Wanyin.
Following this clue, they arrested the Crown Prince and his palace attendants, interrogating them one by one, eventually piecing together the whole truth. The Crown Prince, seeing that his position was in danger, decided that he could not sit idly and wait for his fate. He risked his life and tried to strike first.
He had no opportunity until the mute girl infiltrated the palace. She openly declared her ability to use poison but lacked several ingredients, needing his help to acquire them.
Thus, using the pretext of presenting a gift, the Crown Prince provided her with the necessary herbs and devised a more perfect plan: not to directly poison the Emperor but to incapacitate the Empress first, then use the antidote to coerce her into committing the act herself.
He not only aimed to kill Xiahou Dan but also planned to use Yu Wanyin’s hand to assassinate the Emperor. This way, even if Xiahou Dan was miraculously protected, they could at least eliminate Yu Wanyin. With a bit more luck, he might even eliminate the two major threats over his head.
The Crown Prince, being young and lacking such cunning, had been advised by someone behind the scenes. The remnants of Prince Duan’s faction.
Before Prince Duan’s defeat in battle, he had left a plan for his old subordinates to advise the Crown Prince. This old subordinate had hidden for many years and never openly communicated with Prince Duan’s party, surprisingly deceiving Xiahou Dan’s eyes.
However, after the Crown Prince was imprisoned and felt hopeless, he immediately betrayed them to save himself. The old subordinate’s escape attempt failed; he was caught by the shadow guards and endured severe torture for several days before finally crying and surrendering.
There was only one small variable in the whole affair: the mute girl didn’t completely follow their orders.
Not only did she not make a move on Yu Wanyin, but she also sneaked off to the small pharmacy and tried to poison Xiahou Dan herself. The people analysed this move over and over again afterward, and there was no other explanation for this move but that it was meant to take the Empress out of the picture.
An assassin with deep-seated hatred for Xia left her only trace of goodwill to Yu Wanyin throughout her life. However, by the time Yu Wanyin learned of all this, she had already died.
The young Crown Prince was demoted to the status of a commoner and was confined for life in a secluded mansion. As for Prince Duan, Xiahou Dan designed a creatively thoughtful return gift for him.
Every few months, they would have the old subordinate perform a staged play in the dungeon, allowing him to constantly await his reversal of fortune in a dream of spring and autumn. It was thought that Prince Duan’s willpower was extraordinary, capable of enduring hardship and humiliation for this small hope, surviving on scraps.
After three to five years, if they couldn’t continue the charade, they would gently reveal the truth to him.
Upon returning to the palace, Xiahou Dan indeed held his nose and drank a bowl of ginger soup. He also conscientiously added a fox fur cloak, wrapping himself as if it were winter again.
The poisoning he suffered years ago had already deteriorated his health. Despite the most drastic treatments, it left new lingering effects. He lay half-dead in bed for almost half a year, with countless tonics administered before he recently began to regain some colour.
During this year, the court gradually became accustomed to the joint rule of the Emperor and Empress. Now that the Emperor had returned to his position, Yu Wanyin showed no signs of relinquishing power, attending court daily with him. The red seals on the memorials bore the handwriting of the Empress.
When some courtiers accused her of usurping authority, Xiahou Dan was the first to get angry, “The imperial physician has said I shouldn’t overexert myself. Are you afraid I’ll live too long and you want me to work overtime alone?”
The courtiers nodded in agreement, afraid to speak further. Perhaps in a few more years, they would understand that Xiahou Dan’s outburst had truly been from the heart.
However, within just this year, most people had already realised that although the Empress’s handwriting was a bit ugly, she was indeed the wise ruler they had hoped for. Emotionally stable, quick-witted, appreciative of practical work, and averse to gossip. Occasionally, she would come up with remarkable proposals that seemed to transcend this world, yet she was open to wide-ranging discussions and unashamed to ask questions.
It was as if she had extensive frontline work experience.
Today, during their rest, even the palace attendants had half a day off and lazily soaked up the sun in the imperial garden, occasionally exchanging laughter and joy.
After lunch, the Emperor and Empress sat quietly by the window, calmly sipping tea.
Translation by Spider
Next: Chapter 27
Previous: Chapter 25