How Dare You?! 成何体统 (Cheng He Ti Tong)
By 七英俊 Qi Ying Jun
Translation by Spider
No way! A love-struck brain is the biggest taboo! In stories like these, those with romantic inclinations all meet an early demise!
Yu Wanyin shook her head. The slightly tipsy Xiahou Dan seemed to sense her thoughts as his pitch-black eyes swept over towards her.
Yu Wanyin quickly looked away.
Xiahou Dan blinked, his playful mood returning. Leaning his head on his hand, he asked, “Beloved consort, were you peeking at me?”
Yu Wanyin abruptly stood, “I’m going to take a shower and go to bed.”
Xiahou Dan still leaned on his hand, “Together? You might see more.”
Yu Wanyin froze, trembling, then turned her head away.
Xiahou Dan burst out laughing, waving his hand dismissively, “Go ahead, go ahead.”
Once Yu Wanyin had disappeared from view, Xiahou Dan remained sitting alone.
He continued to sip his wine, but the smile lingering on his lips slowly faded away. With no one to share the drink, the grand hall suddenly seemed empty and a chilly sense of desolation seeped through the seams of the tiled floor.
A figure silently approached and knelt behind him.
Without turning around, Xiahou Dan gently placed down his cup, “Is there any news from Bai-xiansheng*?”
* 先生: Mr, Sir, but also referred to doctors in ancient times.
The figure handed over a letter with both hands, “Your Majesty, please take a look.” If Yu Wanyin had been present, she would have noticed that this dusty guard wasn’t on the list they had agreed upon together. This was a stranger she had never seen before.
Xiahou Dan opened the envelope, and several wax-sealed pills fell out. He paused, read the letter once, his expression growing impatient, “He hasn’t given up yet?”
The guard remained silent.
Xiahou Dan lit the letter with the candle, poured himself a cup of tea, and swallowed one of the pills. Then he instructed, “Tell him that everything in the palace is normal, and he should proceed as planned.”
After her bath, Yu Wanyin dried her hair and went to bed. The bedding had been modernised to higher standards. Now the pillows weren’t too hard, and the covers weren’t too cold, significantly improving her quality of life.
While Xiahou Dan was bathing, she laid in bed feeling somewhat nervous. She hadn’t expected Xiahou Dan’s remarks to merely be teasing. And in the end he slept dutifully on his side of the bed, strictly observing their boundaries.
During Xiahou Dan’s bathing time, she lay in bed feeling quite nervous. She hadn’t expected Xiahou Dan’s teasing to lead to anything, and in the end, he was just lying on the other side of the bed, strictly observing their boundaries.
Once her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she suddenly noticed that Xiahou Dan hadn’t closed his eyes either and seemed to be gazing at the bed curtain.
Yu Wanyin hesitated for a moment before whispering, “Can’t sleep either?”
Xiahou Dan closed his eyes, his breathing slightly heavy. In a vague murmur, almost indistinctly, he said something that sounded like, “I just knew it wouldn’t work.”
“What wouldn’t work? Did I hear you correctly?” Yu Wanyin suspected she hadn’t.
Xiahou Dan exhaled heavily, “I have a headache.”
“Is it bad?” Yu Wanyin hesitated again, leaning closer, “Shall I massage it for you?”
It’s normal to care for a companion, she told herself.
Xiahou Dan didn’t refuse. But as her fingertips touched his temple, his entire body instantly tensed. Even in the darkness, Yu Wanyin could feel his clenched teeth.
“What’s wrong? Should I be gentler?”
“………….Mm.”
She had never learned massage techniques, so she could only gently rub circles, “I don’t know if this might comfort you, but your migraines is just a character setup and never actually kills you. at least not before you were assassinated.”
His tense body gradually relaxed, his tone tinged with sarcasm, “That is so reassuring.”
“Hey, don’t be like that.” Yu Wanyin didn’t argue with patients, after all she had her own struggles with menstrual cramps, “Let Bei Zhou check you later to see if it’s a tumour or poisoning. He’s well-versed in the world and might know some poisons that imperial physicians don’t.”
“Mm.”
“Deep down, you’re actually afraid of death, aren’t you?” Yu Wanyin whispered.
Her fingertips were gentle and warm from being under the covers.
“Hard to say.” Xiahou Dan smirked.
Yu Wanyin took it as him being too embarrassed to admit it, “It’s okay, I’m scared too. But as a CEO, you need to adjust your mindset and show some determination. Even if Bei Zhou can’t retrieve that book this time, we can still fight again…”
“Don’t worry.” Xiahou Dan interrupted her precaution, “As long as you’re not giving up, I won’t either.”
Yu Wanyin pondered for a moment.
Was she too sensitive, or was that statement a bit ambiguous?
Before she could figure out her feelings, Xiahou Dan added, “After all, I still have Yu-jie to rely on to lead me to prosperity.”
Yu Wanyin held back, “That’s true.”
As Xiahou Dan relaxed under her temple massage, his breathing gradually became lighter. When she saw that he had fallen asleep, drowsiness unexpectedly also swept over her. Her fingers massaged slower and slower until she stopped altogether.
As she fell asleep completely, Xiahou Dan slowly opened his eyes and gazed at her.
Yu Wanyin didn’t know how long she had slept when she suddenly woke up, the room slightly brighter but not yet dawn.
Outside the bed curtains, someone whispered softly, “Wake up, I’ve got the book.”
Bei Zhou was back!
Yu Wanyin shot straight up like a carp, but felt something wrong and turned her head.
Xiahou Dan’s upper body had crossed the imaginary line dividing their beds, taking up half of her pillow.
Yu Wanyin, “…”
This couldn’t be intentional right? It was just a bad sleeping habit, wasn’t it? He would be surprised too once he realised.
Outside the bed curtains, Bei Zhou called again, “Dan’er?”
Xiahou Dan opened his eyes, held his head, and calmly got out of bed, “Coming.”
It was intentional! Yu Wanyin felt a bit dizzy.
All along, when Xiahou Dan was alone with her, they always had the attitude of strategic allies depending on each other, although they were quite close, they never crossed the line.
So what is this situation now? Would ordinary strategic allies share a pillow?
Yu Wanyin suppressed these thoughts and followed suit by getting dressed and jumping off the bed. “Uncle Bei, are you hurt?”
Bei Zhou chuckled. “It’s not that easy to hurt me. It’s just that besides the imperial guards, there were other scouts sent by others nearby. It took some time to avoid them all.”
Xiahou Dan was already nonchalantly sitting at the table. “Looks like my dear imperial brother hasn’t relaxed his guard. Luckily, we have you.”
Bei Zhou pulled out a dusty book from his front robe, “What exactly is this? A treasure map?”
“Not quite, but close enough.” Xiahou Dan replied.
The three lit a lamp and opened the book left by Xu Yao.
The cover read “Records of the Great Xia’s Climate and Land,” but inside were handwritten notes, densely packed and quite sloppy.
Clearly, Xu Yao had written these words perhaps just as a reminder or to have something against Prince Duan in case of emergencies. It was certainly not meant for others to see. Thus, the sentences were very informal and included many abbreviations.
Yu Wanyin squinted for a long time before she could make out one line. “Instigate… Deputy Zhao? Who is Deputy Zhao?”
Xiahou Dan considered, “I think there’s a deputy commander with the surname Zhao in the Imperial Army. I’ll confirm later.”
Yu Wanyin suddenly realised. In the original story, Prince Duan had indeed managed to get to the deputy commander of the Imperial Army. He had supported him in overthrowing the Commander and consolidated power from within and gained power over the Imperial Army. That’s why his rise to the throne had been so smooth sailing.
Squinting, Yu Wanyin read two more pages. Full of action plans that roughly matched the plot she vaguely remembered. However, compared to her fuzzy recollections, these records were much clearer, some even detailing dates and times.
One page began with “Use the Yan spy to eliminate Jia”. This ‘Jia’ referred to the dissident officials that Prince Duan was planning to eliminate using the spy in the original story.
Unfortunately, the Yan spy had already died in the brothel yesterday.
Another page read “In February, recruit talented people who failed the imperial examination”. Next February, there will be an imperial examination. But the current examination board was rife with nepotism and corruption, making it a cesspool where students from humble backgrounds had no hope.
Prince Duan, well-versed in the art of winning people over, would privately contact several rejected talents, opening doors for them in various positions, thus securing their allegiance.
It even included a list of official positions where people could be placed.
Yu Wanyin was exhilarated.
With Bei Zhou present, she couldn’t discuss the details with Xiahou Dan, so she just nodded gently at him: This is useful!
Xiahou Dan also nodded: impressive!
Curious, Bei Zhou asked, “Are these the plans of Prince Duan? Is he plotting a rebellion?”
Xiahou Dan smiled, “Yes. But with this book in hand, we can dismantle his plans step by step, making sure they come to nothing.”
Concern creased Bei Zhou’s face, “Dan’er, won’t this exhaust you? Wouldn’t it be easier for this uncle to just cut off his head? It’d be simpler.”
“…”
“Thank you, Uncle. But Prince Duan has deeply rooted supporters. Uncle is very powerful but it’s hard to fight against thousands.”
Bei Zhou fell into deep thought, as if seriously evaluating the possibility of taking on ten thousand enemies alone.
Xiahou Dan said, “Even if we could uproot them all, the Empress Dowager’s faction would become dominant, and their next step would be to eliminate me. This kind of killing is just treating the symptoms, not the root cause.”
Bei Zhou asked, “Then how do we treat the root cause?”
Xiahou Dan did not answer.
Yu Wanyin flipped through the book and suddenly asked, “Why is the Yan Kingdom sending assassins? They should know that killing one or two of our nobles is just treating the symptoms, not the cause, right?”
Bei Zhou replied, “It’s said that the land of Yan is dry and barren, with years of famine making life unbearable. The worse their lives get, the more they hate us, driving them to madness. Additionally, there’s an internal power struggle within Yan. Sending a few assassins might be a way for them to gain prestige.”
Yu Wanyin had an epiphany, “Uncle Bei, what crops do they grow in such arid conditions?”
Xiahou Dan was puzzled at first, then his eyes widened in realisation.
Both of them looked intently at Bei Zhou.
“It seems to be called… Yan millet? It’s not a good thing, very coarse and hard to eat. Our Great Xia doesn’t grow much of it, and if we do, it’s mostly used to feed pigs.”
Suppressing her excitement, Yu Wanyin said, “I see. Uncle Bei, you’ve worked hard tonight. Go and rest.”
As soon as Bei Zhou left, Yu Wanyin jumped up, exclaiming, “We’ve found the drought-resistant crop! Although it’s hard to eat, if every household grows a bit of it, they won’t suffer during the drought years. Then there will be no rebellion, and Prince Duan will have no opportunity to exploit the situation. It’s a win-win!”
Xiahou Dan pondered, “That makes sense, but how do you convince ordinary people with limited land to grow pig feed?”
Yu Wanyin suggested, “The court can purchase it at a high price. This would encourage them to grow it, the state granaries would have reserves, and the people would have money. When a drought comes, we can distribute grain for relief.”
Xiahou Dan shook his head, “I’ve checked, the state treasury really is empty. This country has numerous harsh taxes, but from the court to the local governments, there are too many parasitic corrupt officials. Not to mention the neighbouring small countries are also eyeing us hungrily, so we can’t cut military expenses. In short, the treasury has no money.”
“Print more money?” Yu Wanyin suggested.
“That would cause inflation, wouldn’t it?”
“Isn’t that good?”
“No, it’s not.”
Yu Wanyin was baffled, “What kind of tone is that? Aren’t you a CEO?”
Xiahou Dan seemed even more perplexed than she was, “I’m a CEO, but I haven’t studied historical economics either? This isn’t a market economy, printing money and reducing taxes affects everything…”
Yu Wanyin, getting a headache from the conversation, said, “Fine, fine, neither of us understands this. We’ll just have to get someone who does.”
She pointed to a line in Xu Yao’s book, “Recruit talents who failed the imperial exams.”
“I remember that among the candidates Prince Duan recruited, many later became capable ministers. We don’t have to wait for the exams, we can recruit them before he does.”
Xiahou Dan was sceptical, “With your speed-reading, can you remember the specific names of the candidates?”
Yu Wanyin was dismayed, “…I’ll try my best.”
The next morning, the Empress Dowager was fiddling with her crimson nails while listening to the palace maid’s routine report.
The palace maid said, “His Highness spent the night at Consort Yu’s residence again.”
The Empress Dowager raised her eyebrows slightly. For so many years, the Emperor had never shown such favour to any concubine. And as far as she knew, the Emperor was not only uninterested in sexual matters, but was also actually repulsed by them.
Feeling something was amiss, the Empress Dowager asked, “Did they share a bed?”
The palace maid replied, “The guards around Noble Consort Yu’s quarters are strict, making it difficult to investigate. Moreover, His Highness often dismisses the palace servants, leaving him alone with Consort Yu.”
A strong sense of crisis surged in the Empress Dowager’s heart, “It seems we must send the contraceptive tea.”
The palace maid hurriedly said, “This servant will handle it.”
The Empress Dowager added, “That Yu Wanyin shows no respect for me. It’s time to teach her a lesson. Her father… Isn’t he a minor secretary officer?”
Translation by Spider
Next: Chapter 5
Previous: Chapter 3