How Dare You?! 成何体统 (Cheng He Ti Tong)
By 七英俊 Qi Ying Jun
Translation by Spider
Bei Zhou
Sometimes, Bei Zhou thought that if the first person in the Yi household to catch him stealing a girl’s hairpin and using it to comb his hair in a girl’s style was someone else instead of Yi Nan, he would have been kicked out of the house immediately, and whether he survived or not would be unknown.
But Yi Nan was not just anyone.
The young miss, looking at the trembling little guard, was stunned for only a moment before she broke into a smile. “A’Bei-gege looks good like this too.”
She was at an age where she loved to play and have fun. To her, it was like getting a new doll, and she excitedly pulled him to sit in front of the mirror, sneaking her mother’s rouge and powder to smear on his face.
Bei Zhou bowed his head, suppressing the urge to get up and run away.
Even he himself couldn’t explain the obscure and uncontrollable feelings that had sprouted in his heart. He only vaguely realised that he was different from others, but immediately fell into the fear of living on the edge, so much so that he would avoid looking in the mirror.
Yi Nan finished applying the makeup with a giggle and said, breaking through the fog of confusion, “From now on, you won’t be A’bei-gege but A’bei-jiejie!”
Ah, it was over.
Kids couldn’t keep secrets, and this would reach the master’s ears by tonight. Tomorrow would be his doom.
Bei Zhou trembled in fear, waiting for one day, two days, three days…
Until months later, when he was pulled in front of the mirror again to serve as a professional doll, he couldn’t help but ask, “Miss, have you told anyone about this?”
Yi Nan replied in confusion, “Of course not. My mother noticed the rouge was missing and just thought I liked to be pretty myself!”
This secret was kept for a long time. The young miss grew up year by year and gradually gave up her childhood makeup games.
An experienced Bei Zhou fell into a new long wait. When she realised her guard was a weirdo, she would drive him away.
He waited for one year, two years, three years…
He stopped waiting.
On an ordinary afternoon, the young miss was sitting by the window reading a book, and Bei Zhou stood silently behind her. Perhaps she read a story about a scholar and a beauty, as she suddenly sighed, “I wonder who my future husband will be.”
Bei Zhou thought for a moment and said, “Miss will surely find a good husband, grow old together, and have a pair of clever and lovely children.”
Yi Nan turned back to smile at him, with a faint melancholy in her eyes. “But what about you, A’bei?”
“Me?” Bei Zhou immediately shook his head. “I have little fortune. I don’t think I will meet someone. In the future, Miss’s children will be my children. I will just be a guard and protect you all for life.”
Yi Nan laughed. “But I hope you will one day find children of your own.”
Xiao Tiancai
As a medical genius not seen in a century, Xiao Tiancai silently surpassed all his superiors within three years of entering the imperial medical hall. He spent most of his remaining energy pretending to be foolish and avoiding work. Everyone knew that imperial physicians were in a high-risk profession, and rising too high could cost them their heads.
If his master gave him a three-day task, he would finish it in half a day, taking the remaining two and a half days off.
Xiao Tiancai had a preferred hiding place near the imperial hospital, lush with greenery, where he could lie under the shade and avoid all prying eyes.
But one day, before he reached his spot, he heard music.
Xiao Tiancai, who had cultivated many elegant hobbies during his leisure time, could play the zither and the pipa. But the music he heard was unlike anything he had heard before, neither good nor bad, just very peculiar.
Unable to resist, Xiao Tiancai sneaked over and hid behind a tree to see what was happening. And that was when he saw Xie Yong’er.
Xie Yong’er was holding a homemade guitar, practising ‘Love Story’ She seemed to have forgotten part of the score and fumbled through it, making the same mistake eight times.
Xiao Tiancai cringed until she finally left, letting out a sigh of relief, hoping she had some self-awareness or at least a survival instinct not to perform in front of the emperor.
But the next day, she was there again.
Xie Yong’er occupied that spot practising for a whole month, and Xiao Tiancai had no place to go but eavesdropped for a month.
A month later, Xie Yong’er finally played a complete piece, jumping up and punching the tree trunk in triumph, shouting, “Aren’t I awesome*!”
*She said 牛不牛x which is an internet slang like “awesome?”
From the other side of the tree, Xiao Tiancai muttered, “…”.
A lot happened after that.
They gradually became familiar with each other, but Xiao Tiancai watched as the two undying flames in Consort Xie’s eyes dimmed day by day.
At first, he didn’t know what was happening or why he felt inexplicably anxious. After all, even if he were given ten times the courage, he wouldn’t dare covet the tyrant’s harem.
Until one day, Xie Yong’er came to him in secret, begging him to give her a prescription for an abortion.
Xiao Tiancai was taken aback and hesitated for a moment before asking softly, “Is it because of the Empress Dowager?”
Xie Yong’er lowered her head without speaking.
Xiao Tiancai said, “I can help you maintain the pregnancy and will not tell anyone. When the pregnancy is more advanced, you can seek the Emperor’s protection. After all, it is his own flesh and blood…”
Xie Yong’er barely shook her head, only silently pleading with tears.
Not understanding the whole situation, Xiao Tiancai patiently explained the dangers of the matter.
Finally, Xie Yong’er gritted her teeth. “This child is not the Emperor’s.”
Her tears fell, not knowing whether she was mourning her own predicament or afraid of losing this last straw of hope. To gain his trust, she laid everything bare, recounting from her first meeting with Prince Duan to their mutual affection and the resulting pregnancy.
Xiao Tiancai listened in silence, suddenly feeling a sense of realisation.
If she had never had someone else in her heart, he might never have recognized his own folly. But she had recklessly, desperately loved someone else. Just not him.
So, this is what jealousy feels like.
Later, many things happened.
When Xiao Tiancai saw Xie Yong’er again, the affair had already come to light.
She had lost her child, been placed under house arrest by the Emperor, abandoned by Prince Duan, and all her pride was ground into the mud.
Yet her expression was unprecedentedly relaxed, as if she had shed some heavy shackles, like recovering from a serious illness, with a fragile calmness.
She asked him to treat the Emperor and candidly told him that there wasn’t much true affection in the world. Her only goal now was to survive and then find a way to escape and flee far away.
For a moment, Xiao Tiancai wanted to ask her, “What about me?”
I’m right here in front of you. Have you ever noticed?
He always felt she knew his feelings clearly, but she seemed to be so heartbroken by Prince Duan that she never wanted to speak of romance again. This was somewhat unfair.
But he never spoke up. Because he remembered that Xie Yong’er had not played her instrument for a long time in the deep palace.
Before leaving the palace, Xie Yong’er and he met one last time.
That day, the sun was shining brightly, and Xie Yong’er was in a good mood. She seemed to have let go of everything, sharing her grand plans with him like an old friend: to build a commercial empire and even pull the Empress into the business. In the future, all the major streets across the country would be her enterprises.
Xiao Tiancai listened, half-understanding, only noticing that the fire in her eyes had rekindled.
Just like when she practised the guitar under the tree, always getting stronger with setbacks, always full of fighting spirit.
Xiao Tiancai slowly smiled. “When the time comes, don’t forget to take a break now and then and play that strange instrument of yours.”
Xie Yong’er laughed, “Haha, alright.”
Xie Yong’er: “…”
Xie Yong’er asked, “Where did you hear that?”
Xiao Tiancai originally thought that there was no place for him in her grand dreams until much later, when he received a letter forwarded by Yu Wanyin.
“When everything is settled, if I hear of your arrival, I will restring my old instrument and continue our melodies.”
Xiao Tiancai’s face flushed red. Afraid that Yu Wanyin would notice his feelings, he quickly put the letter away and hastily took his leave.
His heart was full of joy, and even his steps became lighter.
He needed to think carefully about his reply.
The Mute Girl
The Mute Girl was, of course, not her real name. But everyone who remembered her real name was already dead.
An official from the Qiang state knocked on the door of a shabby room and saw the malnourished mute girl, frowning. “Is there anyone else in your family?”
The mute girl said, “They all left, didn’t say when they’d be back.”
The official sighed and threw a cloth bag at her. “Take it.”
The mute girl opened it and found just a few strings of copper coins.
She asked, “Why are you giving me money?”
“It’s what your parents left for you.”
The mute girl thought for a moment and asked, “Are they dead?”
“They became warriors. This is their reward.”
The mute girl knew well what “warriors” meant. She clenched the bag of coins. “They died just to get this?”
The official said impatiently, “Becoming a warrior is an honour many seek but few achieve. Don’t be ungrateful.”
After he left, the mute girl turned the bag over and shook it, revealing a tattered contract with her parents’ names on it.
“They volunteered for the glory of their ancestors, to become the queen’s sword. They went to the Xia state, life or death unknown, with some reward left for their family.”
Winter was approaching, and when a neighbouring grandma heard that the child had become an orphan, she brought over an old cotton coat.
The mute girl was at a loss. The Qiang was ravaged by war, and everyone was struggling to survive. Any extra kindness was a luxury.
The grandma patted her head. “What’s your name? Does anyone else support you?”
The mute girl remained silent for a long time, then asked instead of answering, “Did my parents volunteer to become warriors?”
The grandma looked at the small, thin child, hesitation and pity in her eyes, and finally said firmly, “Yes. Becoming a warrior is a great honour. Everyone will always remember them.”
The mute girl clenched the contract.
Half a month later, when the grandma knocked on the door again, the room was already empty.
Years later, Yu Wanyin had a mute maidservant by her side.
Every time Yu Wanyin saw her, she felt that the small girl seemed underdeveloped, as if she would miss her growth spurt if she didn’t get enough nutrition. So, she arranged for a cup of milk every day and often gave her snacks.
The mute girl always accepted them with a smile.
Later, after the mute girl died, the secret guards thoroughly investigated her belongings and found a hidden compartment under her bed.
Inside, they found a contract, an old cotton coat, and a few mouldy snacks wrapped in a handkerchief.
These were her most treasured possessions.
Cen Jintian
Cen Jintian was the first in the entire court to realise that Er Lan was a woman.
The reason was simple, Er Lan hadn’t tried very hard to hide it from him.
At first, Cen Jintian didn’t understand what it meant. After all, when people had secrets, they desperately wanted to share, they always chose him because he would soon take them to the grave.
He knew that Yang Duojie had long harboured dissatisfaction with the emperor, fearing he hadn’t met a wise ruler.
He also knew that Li Yunxi’s feelings for Er Lan had changed multiple times, becoming increasingly complex.
So, keeping another secret for Er Lan wasn’t a big deal.
However, later, as his illness worsened, Er Lan was always busy taking care of him, never leaving his side. This went beyond ordinary friendship.
Moreover, Er Lan’s whole heart was tied to him. If he showed any signs of improvement, her mood was bright all day. When his condition worsened and he fell into a deep sleep, she would sit by his bed, stealing long glances at him.
Over time, he understood.
Cen Jintian knew he couldn’t reciprocate. He had been given a death sentence from a young age, knowing his life would be short, so he devoted all his energy to research. Beyond that, he didn’t even care who the emperor was.
After leaving home as a boy, he kept his distance from his parents and siblings, fearing that his eventual death would only bring them grief.
An ill-fated person like him didn’t deserve connections.
But one day, Er Lan, having just finished her duties, came to see him in a narrow-sleeved riding outfit, her figure highlighted, looking spirited like a young willow.
Cen Jintian restrained himself perfectly, lowering his eyes without glancing at her more than necessary.
Only when she turned her back did he allow himself to look.
Cen Jintian always thought he hid it well.
Their relationship remained a platonic gentleman’s friendship, pure and untainted, without crossing any boundaries, not even a single ambiguous word.
This bond never formed, so when she recalled it in her old age, it would at most be a faint regret.
And that was good.
However, on that day as he was dying, Er Lan came to see him in green clothes.
Cen Jintian was already semi-conscious but still instinctively felt a moment of panic.
She did it on purpose, wearing the colour he loved most. Was it to make things clear, to take revenge, or to seek answers?
Surrounded by colleagues and friends at his bedside, Cen Jintian only exchanged glances with Er Lan. Their eyes were clear, but neither spoke.
What could be said? Ask her when she found out? They were both exceptionally intelligent. Since he had long been aware, how could he expect Er Lan to be oblivious?
At this point, should he apologise? Comfort her? Express his feelings? What could a few words do to bridge the vast gap between life and death?
As his breath grew weaker and his vision was invaded by darkness, he struggled to find a final word.
In his blurred vision, Er Lan, with her back to the others, mouthed the words: “Next life?”
Her eyes held no tears, only hope.
Cen Jintian smiled and nodded with difficulty.
He had no regrets in his life.
Translation by Spider
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