How Dare You?! 成何体统 (Cheng He Ti Tong)
By 七英俊 Qi Ying Jun
Translation by Spider
(1)
Xiahou Dan first got the idea to make a ring when he saw the lark hairpin Lin Xuanying had sent.
Although Yu Wanyin didn’t wear it, her appreciative gaze made Xiahou Dan feel a strong sense of crisis.
He decided to create an engagement ring.
His design concept was clear: If Lin Xuanying considers you a lark, I consider you a phoenix. Soaring high, roaming the skies, you’ll roost only on a parasol tree (me).
The idea was good.
But when he handed the sketch of “Phoenix Perched on Parasol Tree” to the craftsman, the craftsman fell silent.
Xiahou Dan asked, “What’s wrong?”
The craftsman wiped his sweat nervously and said, “Your Majesty, this chicken on a tree… is truly a stroke of genius.”
(2)
Er Lan decided to leave the capital for a while, partly to inspect the potential sites for women’s schools and partly to get away from the court and relax.
On the eve of her departure, several friends held a banquet to see her off.
Li Yunxi was sullen throughout and soon drank himself into a stupor, collapsing on the table.
Yang Duojie, also quite drunk, suddenly slapped the table and said, “Er Lan-xiong, one lives a life seeking to be worthy of heaven and earth, why fear others’ words!”
Er Lan looked at him with some emotion.
Yang Duojie said, “I know the rumours in the court, hic, are all slander! Whether my brother is a man or a woman, hic, how wouldn’t I know!”
Er Lan: “?”
(3)
After returning to the southern territories, Lin Xuanying would drink and grieve with Wuming Ke every night.
“In ten days or so, news of His Majesty’s death should reach the capital.” Lin Xuanying said.
Wuming Ke: “…”
Lin Xuanying said, “Master, back when you sent me to assist him, I was reluctant. But over the years, I’ve come to regard him as a brother in life and death… Now, I have to wait day by day for news of his death, it pains me deeply.”
Wuming Ke hesitated to speak.
Lin Xuanying drank a few more cups. “What will the Empress do, alone in that den of dragons and tigers? Master, can you divine if I can take her away?”
Wuming Ke tried to speak: “Not necessarily. “
A thunderclap from the sky.
Wuming Ke closed his mouth again.
Lin Xuanying, drunk and hazy, said, “But she refuses to leave, she refuses to leave.”
Months later, news of the death still hadn’t come.
What came was a secret letter from Xiahou Dan.
After reading it, Lin Xuanying’s expression changed several times. Finally, he went to complain to Wuming Ke. “Master, why didn’t you say something earlier! Did you enjoy watching me get drunk?”
Wuming Ke: “…”
Wuming Ke, with a profound look, said, “Yes, I did.”
(4)
When Xiahou Dan and Lin Xuanying first met.
Lin Xuanying asked, “What do people in your world do for entertainment?”
Xiahou Dan thought hard. “Sneak into internet cafes and play games.”
Lin Xuanying asked, “What are games?”
Xiahou Dan said, “Generally, you kill me, I kill you.”
Lin Xuanying: “?”
Xiahou Dan said, “But it’s not real killing. You’re killing a. let’s say a puppet. You can die over and over again.”
From that day on, Lin Xuanying held the current emperor in awe.
End of novel
Translation by Spider
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